Manistee Forest

Challenges

i made my decision on where i am heading....i know the consequences of my actions. i stated exactly what i want....intimidating to do so....but part of who i am growing into is this....and this is really what i need. what i desire. what i long for. it isn't uncharted waters this time.....i know what i am doing and this is where the path was leading to all along. and it doesn't hold me back....i have been held back too long from just sharing what i have to offer in this life.

it is a good thing....

nothing in these waters to fear....just jump in and swim.....enjoy what life has to offer. it is full of mysteries and fabulous things....if you let down your fears, anxieties, trepidations and just be happy with one another....and yourself.

we all have much to offer....in many ways.

....i offer a coin that is shining on both sides.

Lake Michigan Driftwood Treasure

Illuminated Fungus

Sleeping Feline

Shadow

Facebook..........

Facebook can be fun............A silly tool to baffle other friends with silly jokes!


Diana and my veggie joke....the saga continues:

"Diana: I cooked fresh brocolli tonight...and I couldn't stop laughing.

Jennifer: ‎"Fresh" broccoli!! LOL!! Oh My Goodness!! I am busting a gut right now.....The subject of brocolli came up today down this way too!! LOL - Oh that hurts!! Oh No not the brocolli! ............It has been so long since I had any broccol...i! Oh Vegetables!! Or was it cucumbers??? (Fata will have a laugh at that!) LOL! I went to the produce isle to buy some brocolli or cucumbers, but the best veggie was taken.........so I am out of luck until a some fresh veggie becomes available......Oh!! Stop me now!! I am laughing so hard it hurts!! Can't stop.....I just have to ask..was your fresh brocolli tasty???? LOL!!

Diana: OMG !!! I'm busting a gut too now. Damn napkin drawing...brocolli will never be the same again...I guess I need to go shopping for fresh veggies !"




Unfortunate for one of our co-workers one day........*HE* was not artistically inclined........or just never took an anatomy class...........or just always.........well got undressed in the dark...........Left us with a really bad joke for weeks now after the work luncheon where he drew a picture that looked more like our lunch salads than the bad joke he was detailing....LMAO!!!! ...........and our favorite vegetable has been corrupted ever since.........poor innocent broccoli!!!




On the note of fresh broccoli.........I don't really ever "shop for broccoli". One friend.....suggested that I do some "man" shopping. What???? E-gads! Not! I don't shop for love......Come on!! Mostly on the internet as suggested.......All I have to say is: What did Match.com bring you? Ummmmm...Not gonna go there. I don't shop for love. That is ridiculous. Call me a romantic....but love just happens. Throws common sense out the windows sometimes.......but isn't that what love is??? That unconditional feeling of finding that special person and being attached to them and loving them and doing anything to make them smile and never wanting them to leave your life...........just because??? Loving them the way they are and doing anything just to have one single moment in their presence? Just feeling them near is a precious moment to cherish....just having the feeling that they are thinking about you makes your heart flutter???? To know that wherever you are....you are being loved???? Can't get that on those cheesy dating sites.

I stick to my Un-sense of reason.....may it seem old school to some. When you find it - grab it! Don't let it go.........And for heaven's sake just be open. If you feel that tingly, awesome feeling that no other has made you feel.....just roll with it. You only live once......Make every moment magical! Reach out and touch....hug....love...give...share..........enjoy that other person and the feeling will be returned and cherished..........

Who needs broccoli if there isn't that special ingredient added.........a little love in the cooking???

Blue like the chill...........

Ahhhh!!!

A nice long swim was needed tonight! Love the pool on cold days! It is soooooo warm and toasty!

Totally relaxed and.............thinking it is time to go to bed. But there is this nagging, persistent feeling in me to stay up..........and paint. Oh!!!!! To paint or not to paint??!?!?

Fata and I were discussing paint therapy on Monday. She said that she didn't have it in her to paint....that she didn't have enough self confidence to do so. I said that it hasn't got a thing to do with self confidence.....it all comes from within and how you see the world around you....feel the world around you. That is all you need. Smarty pants then went and asked if that is what I did when I ran at the canvas naked covered in purple paint one night when I was frustrated. LOL!! She said that she might be able to be that creative and deal with that kind of art-therapy! LOL!

OK.....inspired. I think I will bust out a little blue paint to fit the chill in the winter air outside!




Update - I tried updating this with the blue pic last night......but couldn't. Here is the piece that left me.......and my walls, and my floor a little blue:

Farewell 2010

Here is to 2011......

2010 was.......

Interesting.

Things ended. Things began. Some things still went nowhere. Somethings left me dreaming come New Years Eve as I closed my eyes. Some things brought bright shiny horizons. Then others left my heart pulverized.

It was a year.......full of a bit of drama, passion, sex, grief, relief, sadness, happiness, and...........

........finally finding myself at the stroke of midnite.

I know where I have been. I know where I plan to go. I know what I want. And most importantly.........

I know who I am and what I have in my future.

...Which is a hell of a lot if I only allow it.

And I will.

So on {maybe} a lighter note, here are a few tunes I loved this year. Not all, if any, from 2010. Just a few which I loved, dedicated to others, thought about those whom I love, were dedicated to me, or I just had an awesome run to {when I found my spirit again}.

....Oh.....We will keep Bad Romance outta this post......


{soulmates.........do we have them? I thought so.......but I am starting to change my mind.}





{a bitter moment. I had a few men in 2010 who thought that it was A-Ok just to treat me like a toy and dangle "possibilities" in front of my face.....all to leave me for an ex or something a little younger.....AND all of them really meanly - just dropped off the face of the earth kinda-things.....it really hurts a soul and is soooo mean to do that to a girl. Not one of them....Not a single one apologized. left me with a real fuck you taste in my tongue that was dying to roll out at every man. bitter for a moment or three.}





{......so I will raise my glass......and toast me!}




{yes.......another P!nk......It fit the moment or three...........and me!}




{that's my guitar!! when I saw this video...I was soooo....excited in soooo many ways!! ok....TMI! but lusting is good for the soul....really it is!! those moments when life gets you down...just keep lusting! a hot fantasy can keep you smiling all day!}





{this tune...and part II.....helped me get thru the last questions that I had about doing the right thing a couple of years ago.........YES I DID! AND I don't regret moving on....and on my own. leaving my life with the ex was the best thing for me....mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.}


{a little dali........and I have been left so speechless so many days. mostly the day Levi came back to tell me that he just wasn't ready yet. after....after??? what? he pursued me for months and when my heart ws finally ready to dive back in after Ben had just up and dropped me because he wasn't ready yet...and Sean calling me one day because he wasn't ready yet....and hearing from Carl that he wasn't ready yet, time and again througout the last 2 years.....Damn! I was left speechless. just fucking speechless.......Ready for what, guys??? Ready for me. I don't need a man around every single day....I don't need them to call me every day....I don't need them to rescue me - I did that on my own.....I won't treat them like shit and I stand behind the man in my life and listen to them and comfort them........Other men look at me when I enter the room, flirt and smile - and I do smile back, just because I think a smile brightens everyone's day - which I have been told makes me intimidating - I get it! but what none of them understands is that under all of what you see on the exterior is ME - a girl with a heart and soul who just wanted to be loved. now it is too late. been left speechless too many times and the door is shut - i stopped believing in fairytales last year, happy endings of romance, soulmates and true love. it doesn't exist and there is no one out there for me. period.}




{luv this the most..........if I had space enough right here, I would list all of Norah's stuff............but this one says enough.....and keeps me pondering........}





{ah............yes..........a little katy. Wouldn't be 2010 for me without this one....for me...........}





{.......................thanks for the dedication............I know who he is......always have....but wild horses have kept him far away.....and I am afraid that is just exactly where he will stay.....far away and "never ready". I chose him, again....He just didn't get it.....and yet again he chose not to take the prize........no matter if he said it was mine to make, over and over. ...this time my heart just finally had to let go......I don't do repeated rejection and this left me feeling really numb and not good about myself. I am worth more than being last place.....So I will just be a friend on the fringes and alone....the way it is meant to be.}





{an ancient one....but Fridays I am in love! in love with spending time with my sweet little girl! the best daughter in the world!}





{.........and then a little sex type thing.....STP is still one of my favorites}




{ok........just luv this song.......always have!}






{it's 4 in the morning and............I just can't get to sleep without you in my arms........120% girl in me.}


...just to name a few at the least.

................waiting..........

My heart is aching this morning and I couldn't sleep well all night. Since Christmas I have been feeling this gnawing sense of anxiety in my stomach...

...The photos that I have put up from a couple Christmas parties 2 weeks ago, well that was the last time any of us heard from my sister. She looked horrible when I saw her; wasting away. 5'8" and just under 100lbs and dropping. It is more than the fitness competion. This is not fitness at all. I told her that she looked like a junkie...............It is more than the arthritis that is showing in her face and hands......there was something more (or less) etched into the lines of her face making her look like my much older sister. Family and friends kept pulling me aside asking if everything was ok with my Sis. Emails and calls later to mom and me, too. I told Sis that I knew something else was up and have for a while....I could feel it....just like she does with me. We have always been more sensitive to others like that since we were little kids, and mostly with eachother and our own kids. What is up?

........I had a feeling that something had crept back up, but she denies it......No calls on Christmas or even from my nephews.....

...Last night I came home and went to my bedroom and cried....that is when the phone rang. Mom was crying on the other end. Sis had called her and asked her to call me; I think she is afraid to herself. My Sis has been in the hospital since last Monday. She has not been allowed to make calls until now. We haven't heard from her husband because......her husband........well he is at the point of.....hating her right now. He is the one who dropped her off at the "hospital" doors. Do you understand? Do you have an idea what her illness is....if you are one of those, who unlike me, might think this is an illness and not just a person being irresponsible, selfish and just fucking stupid.....

...Again....But this time she is older, wiser and it is worse! It has been killing her and she has let it get so out of hand it is destroying what she is lucky to have! Two beautiful children; she is beautiful and talented and educated and athletic; a fabulous, wonderful man for a husband; a lovely home; lots of travel; a wonderful marriage she is willing to shatter for.......! Fool!

...Would she have gone if she didn't get caught buying by her husband and have her husband drop her ass off at the hospital door? Will she actually stay away from all of it? I knew she had started up again........she had the look that she did a decade ago.

...She is due to call me this morning. I am venting so that all she hears is the love, compassion, and understanding that I have for her in my voice when she calls....It is important for her to know that I am on her side and only want the best for my little Sis.

...Even though I want to kick her in her scrawny ass...But that is the big sister in me. Protective and caring......but so pissed that she did this to herself, when she has so much that others would give their left arm for....and so much to loose!

...waiting...

Sneak Peaks

There is a first for everything...........

So here it is. A sneak peak of what I have been working on: Jupiter's Birth.



Nowhere near finished, but this is about how far I have come on it, as of last night. (Too busy to start taking shots of the minor updates I did tonight......Busy making Chili with my little girl!) I hope to get this one finished before we ring in 2011.

Well, now that I am whipped from work, chili making, doing laundry, hanging out with my daughter and painting it is time to do something a little more - Yoga and a good stress reducing workout tonight. It has been too cold to venture to even the indoor pool and gym over the last few days.....so I must bust my butt! Literally!! Damn, even with getting the stomach flu over the holidays.....a few bits of chocolate and some beer goes a long way when you are in your late 30's! And after the last two days at work.........Double Damn! I need the stress reduction! {and this single girl has no other stress reduction methods other than working out......Triple Damn!!} I thought the way the office fire was blaring on Monday morning the world was ending. No just a little overreaction........Yet again.

That is what I get for taking the whole week off last week. But I needed time with my little girl before she went on to her dad's for Christmas.

Christmas.......That was incredibly great! Even alone. After the parties I did do a little rest up for the evening. AND then I had a whole spa day to me. Massage, facial, hair treatments.....Ahhhhh! The massage was a deep tissue, full body, 90 minute bit of nude heaven. The therapist worked out every single nasty kink in my bad shoulder and it feels nothing less than incredible even today. They use all natural/organic products that were aromatherapy heaven-sent. AND then....I had to stop at my favorite health food store and pic up my organic Frey wine and was talked into this mouth watering sweet cheese from Wensleydale. It was all very pleasant. AND then.........I found $5. LMAO!

Ok. I am rambling.

Didn't I once call this midnite ramblings of a silly girl??



Stepping away from the computer now.

G'Nite.......Sleep Tight........and don't let the Bloggers bite!


(...........and Alaric......If you catch this........Happy New Year!)

Duck Da Halls with Bahs of Hahry....

Wonderful Christmas Day with Friends and Family in a couple of Christmas Day events.

Had thee Chinese restaurant party with family and friends for a luncheon with that wild "A Christmas Story" story duck! Sooooooo Serious! It was fun and very enjoyable.

Then on to the gathering Miller style with sweets, friends and games to pass the evening away in the most entertaining manner. The card game was funny. Mostly when I made Doris read that my love life was touchie-feelie!! (Sooooo not true, since it is non-existent...except in my dreams...but that may be detailed below.) A sweet gift from my most longtime friend on this planet, beside my sister. What she gave me was so cool! ...And then we had to go down memory lane through old photos from a decade or two or three ago after everyone left... Erica was a doll! Haven't seen her in almost a year and the first words out of her mouth were - You are just so teeny! Oh! You are so tiny! Oh! ....Gotta love that kiddo! She is so absolutely adorable and funny! She always makes me laugh....And she has always been so sweet to my daughter! She is the first person besides Mom and Dad to hold my daughter when she was born.

Now it is time to hit the road...very, very late! I am due at a spa tomorrow to enjoy a little pampering from Santa (aka - me, myself and I, this year). What is due??? A full body massage, facial, a little reiki, and hot stones..........maybe some oil and wrapping too! Want to get this going before midnite.........

Oh!! The "in my dreams".....Likely to post here.......Not! I said that I may. Nope. Keeping those to myself.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas with the little one is over.....She is off to her Dad's and I miss her sooooo much already!

Just busted out a few photos from the NEW CAMERA! YES!!! Happy Christmas too me and thanks to Mom and Dad for collaborating efforts to fund my Canon needs. (I think Dad got sick and tired of seeing the lousy, grainy, fuzzy shots on FB, to be quite honest.) So here are a few new home for the holiday pics on the test run.




Posted the following on FB: Christmas Eve For Me: Cozy blanket....Check! Glass of Chianti.....Check! My TV viewing partner who steals the remote (Friskie C the cat).....Check! Time to watch A Christmas Story and wait for Santa to bring that chunk of coal I have been expecting!! LOL!!! G'Nite and Happy Christmas All!!!

.......But I am not quite to the Chianti, yet. Have to finish my Nosferatu that I just didn't have the heart to include in the gift basket for Sis. Knew it wasn't her taste when I got it. Selfish. I know. And here I am blogging and throwing out more pics.







Feeling better than I did at the first of the week after contracting the flu....along with most of the 70ppl who showed up at Christmas party #1 last Saturday. So now I can at least drink the night away, waiting for the lump of coal!! LOL! After I dropped off my little girl in Grand Ledge this evening I felt a tinge of.......Well, I turned on the radio as soon as I started up the car and heard Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas". I changed the channel and it was on EVERY channel possible, except the country station and 94.1. So I clicked over to my CD and forgot that I left that CD in on that song........And I realized that all I really wanted for Christmas was...........

Ahhh.....Better go find something half way decent to drink. Just finished off this one and "A Christmas Story" and my fuzzy blanket are calling my name.....

G'nite and Merry Christmas!

Christmas

Had a wonderful day with the family at both Christmas parties today and tonight! On to yet another tomorrow in the great Northern MI.

Christmas dinners.....kids enjoying sweets and presents.....drinks........silly games...spending time with family........All awesome!

Here is my little one all hopped up on waaaaayyyy too much sugar at the end of the night:





She used her new art globe as a space helmet and chased her cousins around!! LOL!

On the way home she demanded no more Christmas tunes! I guess I have been overdoing the Jingle Bells lately. So she said I had to play some Amy Lee........And this tune over and over and over again.... That is A-Ok. I like it! BUT tomorrow it is back to Christmas tunes....and maybe a little goth for my little-goth wanna-be girl!

Strip Me

My oldest and dearest "mountain top" friend, Eric has it right...........This is me.

Doing a bit of touch up here and there. So please excuse the maintenance as I remove "undesirable" content, move a few videos and photos (around here and from my photo journal), now that I am going public with this project once again.

Bust out the Sassy pin tomorrow

Just got done chatting the late night away with Carl. He is doing his tours around the US for the companies Holidays.

He loved the new pics.....Always an admirer of my work. And overly kind with the compliments on this one, sent on via gmail tonight. It is ok.

.....AND what do I do as soon as I am done? Blogging.

I can't sleep again.

So here I am pouting......I need to sleep damn it!


And I am so kindly begging that someone (besides Carl) hit me up side the head so that I don't do another repeat of 2009 AND 2010 again! Hell!! I wrote this blog to learn from my mistakes. No. Not just a bunch of "Whine" fest literature of a Bridget Jones wanna-be.

AND here I keep making the same poor choices......And with some of the same individuals over and over again.

Wow! I am blonde!

I wish...because I am still a girl at heart.



I catch myself wishing on the first star as the sun sets...almost every night.

I wish for peace...I wish for happiness...I wish for love to touch the coldest of hearts..........I wish for a good life for my child...............



And sometimes I make a wish for me...