Back on Track

Alrighty folks...


I am over my pity party and out of my funk. I am not going to let the neanderthal wreck my groove. Not worth my time and not worth my precious energy...which needs to be focused on me and my awesome kid. Don't need happy pills to get me out of it or a trip to the bar to make it better (never have needed that route and never will...). Just needed to spend the day with my ex yesterday and that did it.

WHOA! Hold the presses...YES, that is what I said. NO, not the whole "baby we are getting back together" kind of thing that I am sure he was expecting out of his calculated plan. Spending the entire day with him (and of course old friends) getting the last prep done on the old homestead for the sale did it. (Long story...what a conniving fruitcake!) Not that I was happy to be around him - not in the slightest. I prooved to myself that I was a good person and that I am all "that" and more.


Hopefully, he will attend his next counseling appointment and with that we can get back on track of what we are there for...together as parents for our daughter. Hopefully he will continue be able to take my kindness and my willingness to participate on that level in the correct way; I am doing this so for my child and not to get back together with him - period. No more stalking from him...no more threats from him...no more verbal abuse from him...no more physical threats. But if he continues with the old patterns, I need to keep the right perspective that just because he does and says these negative things...it does not mean that it is right.

(A little BTW update: He lied. Go figure. Just to get me to hang around on the same day he was at the house. He informed me that the closing on the house was earlier than what we were notified and that we had to get the last remaining articles out that day. The next day...the truth came out. He lied. Just another way to have me hanging him around all day. So neat! So childish it almost makes me want to laugh...nah...it is still just irritating.)

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Spent this morning talking with yet another friend over coffee about our situations...similar. Got another male perspective on these problems. He has been going through a great deal of this type of poor communication problem as well. We both decided that something bad must be in Michigan's water...too many of these marital problems floating about. Really, we agreed that it does something to your self esteem when your partner, your loved one for so many years, treats you with such disdain. When they tell you how awful you are; refuse to be held by you when all you want is to be is held through the night in the arms of someone you have loved for so long; you receive scornful looks in return for a kiss or an erotic touch; instead of hearing those three special words come back to you...you hear instead "You f****ing c***" or "I hate you" or even worse off, nothing at all. Agreed that you feel like crying all night instead of sleeping and you begin to wonder about yourself. But I came back with... We can't believe it because it isn't true - we are good. And that statement is so true!


I believe it...and when I begin to waiver and doubt myself I will have to think about my friends, who are wonderful and good people, who are right there with me. Feeling the same funk and wondering the same things because of the negativity being thrown at them by their ex's or partners. And I will know that I need to be strong and know...


That I am OK.


(Yes, Yes, Yes...all Stewart Smalley...LOL! Who knew SNL would be great therapy!!! LOL!)