Rise and shine....Still very early, but i slept through my alarm clock this a.m. Sleep and dreams....One thing that i have been missing a lot of for a long while and now the meds actually help me there....A little too well....i need to change the title of this blog to dream blogging of a silly girl....i have been sleeping long enough to dream and i have been dreaming some really vivid dreams....
In this dream i was with my daughter, my grandpa and grandma floating the river on the old pontoon....My daughter wanted to go swimming and i said no....Even though the river had been cleaned up (supposedly) since i was a kid, i was still leary about letting her swim....she asked why the "Wassee" was so dirty....So i told her a story, which of course - it was a dream, so we could watch it while floating on the river...The story was of a fairy that had incredible powers to heal and she found that an evil witch lived in a sunken boat in the center of the river.....The evil witch kept the river dirty so that she could have it all to herself...The fairy decided to find the evil witch and heal her heart so that she would learn to love and share, so she went to the boat at the bottom of the river....But the witch knew she was coming and hid in the gardens at the top of the hill - just over there (I pointed to my daughter)....When the fairy went into the passenger cabin of the old blue and green boat to meet the witch and try to heal her, the witch cast a spell and trapped the fairy in the boat...the witch never returned to the boat and decided to stay at the top of the hill guarding the boat that imprisoned the fairy and to keep poluting the river....And my daughter interjected - proclaimed that this was even more of a reason to go swimming and begged me to go save the fairy...So i jumped in the river (Eeeeewwww!)...And low and behold!! There was the boat...i swam to the passenger cabin and unlocked the door....AND there was the fairy...She kissed my cheek and thanked me - and then healed my heart and aching head....We swam to the surface of the river and she flew away as my daughter cheered....i swam to the pontoon and asked to be boated back to the cottage....Grandpa sang his song he always sang to me on the ride back - "Oh my darling, Oh my darling, Oh my darling, Jennie Lynn..." Until Grandma, that is said in the way she always did "Damn it Carl, leave the singing to the girls."....and he replied in his same way "Well Damn it Joyce, can't you see the girls love it - I am making them smile!"....Of course said with a wink, an evil grin and a nod of his head to me and my daughter....When we got to the cottage, wow, nothing had changed....Knotty pine throughout and the same old favorite lamp/phone sat in the davenport room....The large pine beams that Dad use to let me sit on when i was a kid were still exposed...Instead of bathing promptly i announced that i was going to run to the gym and steam the dirt off of me...So i did....Ran through the woods until i got to the gym...stripped off my clothes and sat in the sauna and then the whirlpool - talking on my cell phone....Talking to my sister about her baby boy and how he would love to come spend the weekend with grandpa and grandma.... then as i got dresseed in the locker room i debated via cell with a friend as to why men are so afraid of being in locker rooms naked with other men and women have no problem at all being around other naked women - because deep inside men are afraid that they may admire a man too closely....He laughed and said he was in a locker room looking directly at a naked man and had no problem doing so...i began to laugh and make a rude comment....but that is when i woke up...
Ok - See what happens when you don't allow yourself to sleep and dream for months? On to morning yoga to stretch myself awake....
i have to tell my daughter this one when she wakes up...Since, last night i scanned more old family photos and we were talking about Grandpa and Grandma...during this she had started singing and smiling her toothless smile and i told her she looked just like her great-grandpa when he would take out his teeth...Except the eyes - - he had grey eyes, she has her great-grandma's china blue eyes as her great grandpa would always tell her when he missed Grandma Joyce...He would always take out his false teeth and offer them to grandma after she got really sick (lost hers of course with the lou gehrigs disease) just to make grandma smile and laugh (what she could at least do at that point)....Only one year he lasted without her...Exactly to the day 2 years ago this May...And again, talking about that with Ben last night....How we both idealize love because of how we saw love like theirs growing up and our wistful ways of hoping to find something half as wonderful as what he saw with his aunt and uncle, and mom and dad....and what i saw with both sets of grandparents......Hard to find that connection...But if and when you do - You shouldn't let it pass.....i hope that it will come around my way again....
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